It's really strange going out with all three of my girls. As I take my 3 year old Jade to the mall (not for shopping) to play or going to the grocery store or just anywhere I really notice the other girls my age and how different our lives are. I think about how they are most likely living with room mates or are newly married. They wake up to go to work getting a nice long shower in, getting their hair dried, and even get makeup on. They probably get to sleep in on the weekends and get to hang out with friends multiple times a week. Eating out, going to parties, movies, clubbing, vacationing! etc. Working out is no problem, they have plenty of time and energy for that. As they look back at me what do they see?
A person who wakes up next to their husband of almost 6 years. A person who clearly has no makeup and possibly not taken a shower that day. A girl with her hair up in a pony tail, baggy eyes and not wearing the latest style. Or any style. A person who is trying to keep two babies entertained and keep a three year old happy and in sight. To them it might be like a horse seeing a zebra for the first time. What is this strange creature who should be like me but is nothing of the kind.
Sometimes I catch myself feeling envious I must admit. Seeing their freshly curled hair and perfect makeup. Tight fit bodies and stylish clothing carefully picked out. Their carefree spirit and laughing faces. Newly manicured nails and probably fresh pedicures. Then, what do I do? What does every woman do so naturally and without thinking? I compare myself of course. I look at myself. With my unstyled hair and clothes. With my exhausted frame and mind. Never able to rest with the ceaseless crying, tantrums, dishes, laundry, messes, cooking, teaching, cleaning etc.
How do we get out of this mind set? It is almost impossible for me not to compare myself to other women, it is truly a weakness of mine.
This is what I'm trying to do instead. I say to myself "Wow I'm 24 years old. I have three beautiful healthy daughters. Yes I am very different from other women my age but victory has made them weak." My life is literally a constant challenge and difficult and stressful. I am going through a seeming never ending refiners fire but when I come out I will be like a brilliant diamond. Strong, capable, and freaking beautiful! I'm learning how to truly be selfless and push myself harder than I thought possible. I have and will continue to suffer through depression, physical pain, anxiety, headaches (literally everyday) and more. But if everything was easy we as humans would not enjoy life. We would grow soft, weak, and break easily. We would be like a marshmallow easily consumed by life's sharp jaws. We would be entitled, ungrateful, and selfish. And we are that way. Look at how the new generations are becoming more and more that way. But I digress. Probably because my 3 year old and one of my babies are going nuts right now.
All you moms out there probably can relate to a lot of what I've said. If we can stop comparing ourselves are realized we are amazing because we are doing the hardest and most rewarding job in the universe it will change our lives.
Well this post wasn't what I intended it to be. I was gonna be about how we became vegan last August and about the Muse concert we recently went to in Las Vegas (our first getaway in 4 years) but that will be for another time! I really cannot concentrate well or think straight anymore so this might just be ramblings of a mad woman. Below are some pictures of what my life's all about right now and maybe you can relate.
Irresistible!
